Hydrophil
by bell.esque
Summary: SasuSaku. Co-written with Extra Ren. 'You're from underwater. I'm from the land. OKAY? We live in different worlds, kiddo.' 'KIDDO? You've got to be kidding me. You're so short.'


**A/N**: Hey, this was co-written with the super-genius of a person namedExtra Ren, who I KNOW YOU HAVE HEARD ABOUT, BECAUSE OTHERWISE I WILL CONTINUOUSLY HIT YOU IN THE HEAD WITH A SPOON AND STALK YOU UNTIL YOU READ HER.

Also, beware of typos. Because both of us _fail_ at spelling—well, me at least. And we were doing this in an email message, so spell check_died_. Or, we just didn't use it.

Yea, so that is all for the note. :D

**Disclaimer:** Both of us don't own Naruto. But for some reason, she'll make the disclaimer _sneaky_ enough to actually sound like she does.

…

But not me.

* * *

The last thing Sasuke expected was to be some peasant girl's breakfast. She hauled in the nets, a sleepy drag to her eyes and her hair pulled back into a scruffy knot. She hadn't noticed him yet, too preoccupied with her large tuna. 

He made his stealthy way to the edge of the boat, hoping to slip over--And succeeded in getting further entangled with the nets. He swore, loudly, cursing the damn string from here to Triton's--"Oh." the girl had stopped gutting his neighbor, and looked up curiously. "Naked boy. In boat with me. With no people around." She nodded, as though all of this made perfect sense. "Right, still dreaming." She seized him by the end of his tail and pulled, "This looks like a big one--"He slid along, scraping his back against the rough boat floor. The young woman looked at him, then at his tail, then at his chest, and then at his tail again."...Jesus Christ, I need my coffee."

"Coffee," Sasuke mumbled, flipping his tail wildly in attempt to slap her in the face, or at least loosen her grip, "If you let me go, I'll go back to my kingdom and fetch you some coffee beans that grow on the seaweed plants."

She stared at him drowsily, her eyes still distant and unfocused before yawning. "Yeah, okay. Sure, fish. I'd rather have you than coffee for breakfast. I'm _not_ letting you go."

Sasuke would cry like a little mer-baby if he wasn't Sasuke, which he was, so he didn't. He gritted his teeth, his eyes bulging. "Let. Go. Of. Me. I command you to, peasant girl."

She blinked several times at him, with those _annoying_, big, green eyes, which narrowed one moment later. "Mr. Fish, did you just call me a peasant?"

"YES," Sasuke stated firmly, his voice raising a little bit, "Now, let go of m--WHAT THE HELL!?"

The girl had whipped out a fork and stabbed his tail roughly, not enough to sink into his scales and bleed, but enough to actually hurt. "YEAH, YOU PIECE OF SUSHI. SHUT UP. YOU ARE _NOT _GOING TO UPSET HARUNO SAKURA THIS EARLY IN THE MORNING. I DON'T WANT TO KILL YOU BEFORE I EAT YOU." Her forehead gleamed from a little bit of sweat as she licked her pink lips. He couldn't help but look at it as it shone in the sunlight before he let out another girlish shriek.

Well, at least it wasn't a spear.

"Wait, you're going to eat me alive?" Sasuke suddenly blurted after his screaming.

"NO!" she yelled, pulling the fork out of him, thankfully. She began to pat his head, feeling his soft and slightly damp hair, "WHY ARE YOU SO _PRETTY_!? I CAN'T EAT YOU NOW! NO BREAKFAST!" She rocked herself on the bottom of the boat, her arms encircling her knees. "Dreaming, dreaming, dreaming, dreaming, dreaming..."

"You are NOT dreaming!" Sasuke muttered crossly. He thwacked the deck with his tail, and sat up as regally as he could, considering the net impairing his movement. "Now, listen up. As your direct superior, I command you to release me--"

The girl sniffled, but had enough spunk to point out, "Actually, if you really are a prince, you'd be a bit more than just my direct superior--""Shut up before I feed you to the seahorses," Sasuke interrupted rudely. She grumbled, and patted his wet hair again. It seemed to soothe her.

"You know," she looked thoughtful, "I could get a lot of money for you--"

"No," Sasuke slapped her hands away impatiently, "No. Your plan is rejected. Release me. Now."

"Don't order me around!" she fired up at once, "If you were a GOOD little fish, you would have just let me eat you!"

"It's Sasuke," Sasuke snapped, "I am not a fish. Stupid things...always getting caught in those pathetic traps--"

"Look who's talking," she pointed out. Sasuke's mouth opened and shut noiselessly. She had a point. She sighed deeply before letting her hair down and staring at him_ again_ with those big eyes. "Yea, you know, I didn't want to be stuck like this."

"Well,_of course_," Sasuke sneered, crossing his arms with some difficultly, trying to look indifferent but ending up looking more like an angry clown, "I mean, you caught a _prince_ if you remember correctly. I mean, you'll ha--"

"I don't mean _that_, Mr. I'm-a-prince-and-you're-a-peasant," she answered crossly, furrowing her eyebrows and glaring.

"I think you're starting to get the picture," he said in a satisfied manner, smirking slightly at the peasant girl, "I'm a prince, you are a peasant. You let me go, because I am your superior."

"Superior my ass," she hissed, biting her lip and trying to hold back her anger, "You're from_underwater_. I'm from the _land_. OKAY? We live in different worlds, kiddo."

"KIDDO?" Sasuke screeched, practically trying to eat her alive, "You've _got_ to be kidding me. You're so _short_."

"Heh, whatever," she replied, giving him a fixed gaze, "I bet I'm older, and I'm probably right."

"Birthday?"

"March 28."

"Damn."

The girl raised an eyebrow before grinning triumphantly. "I would say, 'I told you so,' but I seem like a baby. When is your birthday, oh mighty prince?"

"July 23. Most of us are born in summer months," he explained briefly, his lips forming a small pout, knowing that he lost the bet. She pat his head again. "Could you stop that?"

"No, okay? I'm older. Therefore, _I_ am superior," she replied cheekily, patting his head once again. "HAH.""Age is just a number," Sasuke retorted sulkily, and tried chewing his way out of the netting. "Buh'sides," he mumbled, "I have noble blood.""Yeah, that did you a lot of good," she muttered dryly. She kicked his fishtail gently, "So, like, is your mom a fish?"

Sasuke's ears reddened, "Mind your own business."

"You poor mutant," she sighed. She began chopping off fish heads with practiced ease. Sasuke looked a little green. "So, you sing?"

"What?" he was still looking at the bloody tuna head.

"You're a mermaid. You're supposed to sing."

Sasuke glared at her, "First of all, it's merman. Second, I sing to lure people onto shoals. And then I eat them."

"...That sounds delightful." She looked perturbed. Sasuke looked back to the dead fish.

"How do you..._eat_ that?" he said distastefully, scrunching up his nose as the smell of dead fish invaded the air. "It was a living creature."

"You eat _people_," she replied almost instantaneously, sparing him a quick glance from her peripheral vision, "By _singing_."

"At least I bring them joy before they die," Sasuke said haughtily, "You just kill them."

"Hey, well I'm not the half-cannibal," she said, "I mean, you _are_ half man, you know? And you eat people. I wonder why you haven't eaten me yet."

"Well, you see, I can't exactly," he stated, glaring at her intensely once again.

"Just lure me with your song, and then you can."

"You WANT me to eat you?"

"I don't know. You said you can sing. Now, _enchant_ me, prisoner."

"I don't have to listen to you. And I'm not your prisoner," he deadpanned, wishing that he could flip his tail around a little more and make her cut herself with that knife.

"Well, you sorta are right now," she replied, stopping the cutting for a moment and gesturing her hand to him and the net, "So you are my prisoner, not the prince right now. So. Sing."

"But you're going to DIE!" Sasuke exclaimed uncharacteristically.

"Yes, but you actually care. I don't believe I will die."

"Your faith is pathetic and misguided," his voice was robotic, "Prepare to die."

She started laughing wildly, "Oh no, that would be unfortunate. I mean, singing me to death is really quite fearsome."

"Fine," Sasuke muttered, and started keening a high, hypnotic note. Sakura's pupils dilated, her lips parting in enchantment. Sasuke continued, watching her face slacken--The cabin's window's abruptly cracked, then exploded. His victim's eyes popped into focus, spinning around in time to see the glass sink down into the ocean.

"AWP." she screeched, and dove towards the structure, "NOT GOOD."Sasuke had stopped singing, "See? You were about to throw yourself overboard."

"YOU OWE ME MONEY!" she tackled him, pining him to the deck, "THIS ISN'T EVEN MY BOAT!" Her hands clamped around his neck, "YOU ARE SO DEAD, FISH BOY."

Sasuke then let out something that sounded a lot like a coughing fit, yet if Sakura's hands weren't choking him, it would've come out more like an evil cackle. Maybe it was better she was hiding it. He didn't really know.

"HOW DO YOU PLAN ON PAYING FOR THIS?" she screamed into his ear, "YOU KNOW, THIS IS REALLY EXPENSIVE! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOUR SINGING WAS SO_BA_--"

"My singing was not bad," he rasped, still somehow managing to smirk at her, "You were going to jump off the boat."

"THAT WAS TO GET THE GLASS!" she countered, finally letting go of his neck, covering her face. "Oh, shit, how am I going to pay for this?"

Then she started crying. Or something like that.

And Sasuke began to panic, because he a) was absolutely horrible at comforting people and b) he hated, hated, hated when a girl cried. It was unbelievably_annoying_. He could take a person being sad, it was quite amusing at times. But when a girl cried...it sorta made him look bad. Only a little tiny bit.

"Um, well, it's okay..." Sasuke said slowly, not knowing really not to say, trying to move closer to her to maybe make her feel a little better. However, he only succeeded in getting about four centimeters from his original position.

"No, it's not," Sakura hissed, sniffling slightly before sobbing. "I'm going to die anyway. If I can't pay for this, those people will kill me."

"They probably wo--"

"No, they'll literally kill me," she seethed, bringing her knees up and resting her chin on them. She sighed shakily. "You don't know who I am."

"Hn," Sasuke agreed, and waited. Women usually blubbered their sob stories to him.

"You see," she began with a dramatic sigh. She twirled the fork she had tried to eat him with around her fingers, "My adoptive mother...has a bit of a gambling problem."

"Oh," said Sasuke. Which was all the encouragement she needed.

"Yes! And so, I sort of...stole this person's boat. So I could catch some fish and sell it."

"Well, that was dumb," Sasuke was largely unsympathetic, "So now you not only stole their boat, you broke it as well."

"_You_ broke it!" she yelled indignantly, "Don't blame all your sins on me!"

"Oh, well, I'm sure they'll understand," Sasuke hissed sarcastically, and raised his voice to a high squeak, "I'm sorry sir, but I caught this mermaid and then it broke my window when I tried to molest it!"

"I didn't try to molest you! I tried to eat you!" As if this were really so much better.

A sudden, calculating gleam entered her eye, "But...if I take you back with me...I'll have proof!"

"I'll die," Sasuke said flatly, "The fish half of me needs to be in water. If I'm out of it for too long, I'll dry up." Her eyes widened, "Really?" she immediately began scooping handfuls of water onto him. Sasuke bore this with ill humor.

"Stop that," he ordered grumpily.

She did so, still looking pensive. "Maybe...I could build you a giant tank! And just carry you around with me!"

"No." Sasuke rejected her plan flatly, "Absolutely not."

"What then?" Sakura sighed hopelessly. "Then _I'm_ going to die."

"Like that even matters to me."

Sakura glared at the mermaid, contemplating if she should continue to eat him. She decided, no.

Putting him in a small tank would do. Nobody is comfortable in that.

Yes, revenge.

She, without saying a word, had somehow gathered all the necessary materials to make a tank. She then took out measuring tape and promptly began to measure Sasuke before snapping it all back together.

"What are you _doing_?" Sasuke screeched as she watched her build a box--no, a tank--in horror. It looked like a coffin to him, and he began to squirm and try jumping out of the boat again.

She was already filling the tank up with water, buckets and buckets. He had no idea how she managed to actually finish building something like that so fast, but all he cared about now was getting away.

He was almost out of the boat, just a little more. Then he could finally get away from this maniac-of-a-fishergirl.

But then her arms (really how did they get so strong?) wrapped around his body and he was flopped onto her shoulder in seconds. He didn't like the fact that he was being carried like a sack in a net, and then dumped into a large box-coffin filled with water. Of course, it was easier for him to breathe and survive, but _still_.

When Sakura began to start rowing back to land (or at least, Sasuke assumed so) was when he started getting curious.

"So you're taking me to those people?" he asked, popping his head up, hair dripping with water. Sakura stopped momentarily and looked at him like he was crazy before smiling eerily.

"No, I'm keeping you, _silly_."

* * *

Any thoughts, guys? 


End file.
